|
|
|
- The laundry is spinning, the boyfriend is over at Andy�s watching the footie, the flat has been cleaned, my eyebrows have been plucked, and I finally have some time to write something. I�m watching a programme on TV about conjoined twins who were seperated as babies and it�s absolutely fascinating. Sometimes I wonder why I love programmes and books about the bizarre, grotesque, or horrific. I think it�s because it numbs me. I should start reading more true crime books. Much to my relief, I�m not pregnant. Days of wondering, �what if?� and making myself even later proved to be pretty stressful. I�ve spent so many years protecting myself from pregnancy and praying that only one line shows up on the stick. I find it hard to fathom that there will probably be a time when I will wish for missed periods and multiple lines. That said, there�s something much more romantic about an unplanned pregnancy than a planned one given the right circumstances. Work is horrible and boring and makes me want to stand up at my desk, tear off my clothes, and run screaming from the building. That said, talking about how much my job sucks is also boring. I need a change, that much I know. Last Friday night I had a mini-breakdown which included some wailing, tears, and a lot of sniffling. After much discussion, Lee and I concluded that I really need to figure out what I want to do with myself. I think my problem is that I want to do too many things. I really just need to win the lottery or discover that a long lost wealthy relative has left me a small fortune. That would be much easier. The other day someone told me that they really admired me for moving to another country, settling in, and securing a good job all in seven months time. It was actually a really amazing thing to hear because sometimes I forget the magnitude of this life change I�ve made. Sometimes it still feels like a dream. We�re going to Coventry this weekend to visit Lee�s family and friends. While there, I�m going to make it my mission to recover the leads for the digital camera I�m in possesion of but cannot use. I have so many ideas lately but without the right tools they mean very little. I have to start doing something with myself and my time. I need to start making things again because lately I�ve been feeling like a paper pushing waste of space. Lee got me a ring last night out of one of those machines they have in super markets. It cost 20p and it has a butterfly on it. Unfortunately, I think I already lost it while cleaning up earlier. People have been telling me that I look very slim lately. This is most certainly meant in comparisson to what I used to look like because I am nowhere near very slim in the usual sense. It feels fantastic regardless. Unfortunately, I gained a pound this weekend. Although I love the pill for a myriad of reasons, water retention is certainly not one of them. I also had my period so the leader thinks the gain was caused by the sudden surge in hormones and resulting fluid retention. Let�s hope so because I�m working too hard for this to stop working all of a sudden. Somtimes I get worried about how much time I spend thinking about and or worrying about my appearance. The I realize that it�s largely a result treatment I�ve received at the hands of others that I do this. If it is a problem, at least it�s not entirely my fault. I need to buy some CD�s. I miss my Pet Shop Boys greatest hits collection and my Mazzy Star. Have I mentioned how excited I am that Adam is coming to visit a week from tomorrow? Have I also mentioned that KEVIN, JEF, and one MS. DARLING ARE COMING TO VISIT IN NOVEMBER and there�s a very good chance that Lee and I will be doing some traveling around Europe with them while they�re here? Hmmmm, have I? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
