Let�s talk about stress, baby . . .
18 November 2004 5:29 pm
I went to the doctor�s office the other day to get a prescription for my happy flying in aeroplane pills. During the appointment, I explained to the Dr. that although my anxiety levels are normally manageable, they seem to increase when I�m under a lot of stress as I am at the moment. When he asked me why I�m currently under a lot of stress, I just burst into tears. I did the same again last night when chatting with Jenny about my impending departure.
Speaking of the Jenny, she�s somewhere in the sky right now on her way to hang out with some Orang Utans in Borneo. I�m so jealous! She has promised, however, to name a particularly cute one after me and send me its photo. Speaking of photos, here are two of us last night in the pub. The golden glow is courtesy of the dark candlelit atmosphere. We look like ghosts in the first!:
You take the good, you take the bad . . .
[-] anxiety [-] anticipatory sadness [-] only losing one pound [-] skin behaving badly [-] November is flying by [-] saying goodbye, thinking about having to say goodbyes [-] Molly, my parents� other pug, is lonely without Mugsy. [-] they found 4 nodules on one of my Dad�s lungs. He has an appt with a lung specialist right before I get home. Thankfully, his GP says that it�s probably nothing. [-] Feeling like a burden [-] having to watch Lee have a tough time of finding a reasonably priced not shoebox sized apartment and feeling like it�s all my fault. [-] anticipatory flying fear just adding to all the stress again [-] crying at the very thought having to go through another big airport goodbye again
[+] Yeah Yeah Yeahs being unexpectedly incredible [+] Spotting Carlos and Paul from Interpol standing behind us at the YYY�s gig � NYC support [+] Indian sweets � YUMMY! [+] Being held and supported and kissed each time I get teary over thoughts of leaving [+] Pajama party tomorrow night with these two lovelyladies [+] This month continues to be action packed, amazing, and fun. Good memories in the making. [+] My wonderful boyfriend. I�m not going to get all mushy here. Let�s just say that he amazes me more each and every day. He is truly, the most wonderful person I�ve ever known.
I don�t really think I realised how difficult leaving London would be. I still think that we�ve made the right choice and wholeheartedly believe that everything will work out for the best. However, that doesn�t make this any easier. That said, we�ve had a fantastic few weeks and from the looks of it we will continue to do so until I leave. Right now everything seems to beautiful and comfortable. It�s as if knowing that I�m only here for the next 2.5 weeks is making me appreciate all the little things so much more. The last seven months or so have been really difficult for me. We�ve done loads of wonderful things and had a lot of fun during this time, but I�ve also been through a lot emotionally and had to make the most difficult decision I�ve ever had to make. It has really taken its toll on me physically and mentally and I feel like crap. I feel tense, drained, and fragile. I�ve actually asked for a gift certificate to a spa as my leaving present from work so that I can get a massage. Although I want the next 2.5 weeks to pass as slowly as possible, in certain ways I�m looking forward to going home. During the month of December I have nothing to do but hang out with my parents, hug the lonely pug, visit friends who I haven�t seen in ages, and drink eggnog. Thinking about that helps. I�m conveniently ignoring the fact that I also have to start looking for an apartment and job and at the same time. I�ll think about that later. Right. Time to get my ass in gear and head out to meet Lee in Oxford Circus. We�re doing a little grocery/present shopping in the rain before heading home to feast on pasta with spinach and feta cheese. Yum.
