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It is my Father�s birthday today and we�re at war. I can�t believe that my Dad is fifty nine years old today. Despite all his various idiosyncracies and the pressure he puts on me, I love my Dad an awful lot. He�s getting up there, as is my mother, and that scares me. Sometimes I wonder if he knows just how amazing a person I think he is. Maybe I should make a point of telling him as much. He�ll be here to visit me in two weeks time. I also cannot believe that we�re at war. I watch the news and I read papers detailing what is happening so many miles away. Lee and I speak about it and sometimes it creeps into my dreams. In the end, I still just don�t know what to say about any of it. Of course, I�m againt it. It angers me and frightens me. I�m embarrassed to be an American. Last night I watched the leader of some of the troops say that when Bush said �GO!�, it would be �hammertime�. I don�t know what to make of any of this. New fears about travelling on the underground appear and I get tense. My parents warn me not to �flaunt� the fact that I�m American, not to wear anything with an obviously American logo. Thankfully, that�s not really a problem considering that my wardrobe is generally lacking in the flag emblazoned garment department. The government starts issuing warnings and advice on what to stockpile in the event of a terrorist attack. Yet, it�s beautiful outside and generally things are going rather smoothly in my life right now. There is a good chance that I might be offered a permanent position at this office sometime in the near future. While a permanent job would be nice, assuming the pay is adequate, I don�t know that I can work another crappy desk job again. My last job drained something from me. I dont want to subject myself to that sort of thing again. I realize that it could be viewed as a temporary thing, that I could plan on leaving as soon as something better came along. That�s what I said about my old job and I was there for nearly three years. In three years I�ll be twenty eight. That�s way to late to remain waiting for something to happen, hoping for something better to come along. Besides, the man next to me talks to himself. A lot. I�m not sure I can handle that for very long. For now I just have to wait and see what happens while still searching for something more appealing.In other news:
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